Diction

No one can see me, no one would stop me, no one could help me.  They would just call the adults but it would be too late.  My only regret is waiting.  She'd have the coffee on.  There was a time during my search for a cure when I tried everything to stop including giving up communication.  The smell filled the room.  I loved to drink a pint of beer in the evening, to say I missed you to my ex after we'd spent another night together.  I'd tell her now it's going okay except for the poison.  It's going okay except for how much I miss her and think about her.  How?  Why?  I've never been a very good girlfriend.

No one can see me, no one would stop me, no one could help me.  They would just call the children but it would be too late.  My only regret is acting too quickly.  She'd have the coffee on.  There was a time during my search for a cure when I tried everything to stop including giving up the distance.  The smell filled the air outside.  I loved to drink a glass of water in the afternoon, to say I hadn't thought of him to my boyfriend after we'd spent another day together.  I'd tell her now it's going okay escape for the poison.  It's going okay except for how much I miss her and she never crosses my mind.  When?  Who?  I've never been a very good ex girlfriend.

The tone definitely changed the second time around and was far less somber and depressing.  Switching around the words also changed the meaning as well.  First of all, I think it's most obvious that the paragraph doesn't make complete sense in either of the examples because of the pronouns, i.e. me thinking of a him while filling in the blanks and the author using a her.  The first time around did make more sense and one could piece together my overall tone behind it, but the meaning got a bit lost when I had to switch to opposite words.  I for one prefer when things are a bit more longing and gloomy, so I tried to give it that tone originally.